


I Lava You

by Sonni89



Category: Miranda (TV)
Genre: F/M, Honeymoon, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 01:39:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5520608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonni89/pseuds/Sonni89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miranda and Gary finally go on their honeymoon. Stevie decides to join them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Lava You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tjs_whatnot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tjs_whatnot/gifts).



> Dear tjs_whatnot,  
> I really loved your prompts and I couldn't resist writing you a treat. I hope you enjoy it.  
> Happy holidays and happy Yuletide!
> 
> Thank you to myrifique for the beta.

“Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie!” Miranda galloped down the stairs from her flat to the joke shop.

“Good morning to you,” Stevie said.

“Guess what?”

“What?” Stevie said.

“We’re finally going on our honeymoon,” Miranda said, beaming.

“You’re going on your honeymoon? You got married two years ago,” Stevie said.

“So?”

“So, you’re meant to go on your honeymoon when you get married. Not when you’re already an old couple.”

“We’re hardly old,” Miranda said, huffing.

“You are old. Where are you going, then? _Old_ ham?” Stevie asked, laughing out loud. Stevie clearly thought she was so clever. So funny, that one.

“Rude. We’re going to Hawaii,” Miranda said.

“HAWAII?” Stevie shouted. “You can’t even place that on a map,” she said more calmly.

“Yes I can,” Miranda said, then pulled a face behind Stevie’s back. She really wasn’t sure she could. It was somewhat near the continental US… somewhere. That much she knew.

“I can’t believe you’re going to Hawaii. I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii,” Stevie said in a whiney voice.

“Well. Get married and you can go,” Miranda said.

“Low blow, Miranda. Low blow.”

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Miranda was helping Stevie unpack some boxes of new stuff that came in. Although, even Miranda had to admit she wasn’t helping as much as she was standing there, keeping Stevie company. And providing a brilliant running commentary.

“Oh, look! More furry handcuffs. Ah, there’s the drinking game dice,” Miranda said.

“Would you please stop? Some people are trying to _work_ here,” Stevie said.

“Fine.” Miranda said. She guessed she would have to stop if she wasn’t going to help Stevie. Which she decidedly wasn’t.

“Speaking of work - how do you feel about the shop closing while you’re on your honeymoon?” Stevie asked. “I’d like to go on a holiday, too.”

“As your boss I should tell you that that’s a terrible way to run a business and that we can’t both go on holiday at the same time,” Miranda said.

“But?” Stevie asked.

“But, I’m an amazing boss and an even better friend and you deserve a holiday. One week, tops,” Miranda said. She knew Stevie had only asked at that precise moment because she was working and Miranda wasn’t.

“Thanks, Miranda,” Stevie said and grinned.

That grin worried Miranda. Stevie was definitely up to something.

 

* * *

 

“So, where are you going on your holiday?” Miranda asked Stevie a few days later while they were standing behind the counter. It was a slow day: they’d only had three customers so far, and they’d been there for four hours.

“I was thinking I might go to the central Pacific region,” Stevie said noncommittally.

“The central Pacific region,” Miranda repeated.

“Yeah, in the northern hemisphere. I heard it was beautiful,” Stevie said.

“So, would you say this northern hemisphere Pacific region might be west of the continental US?” Miranda asked.

“Possibly,” Stevie said, smiling now.

“You weren’t thinking of _Hawaii_ at all, were you?” Miranda asked. She actually did look it up on a map and found out that was exactly where Hawaii was.

“There’s a chance I got a Hawaii prospectus from the travel agency down the road,” Stevie said, smiling.

“You can’t come on our honeymoon,” Miranda practically shouted. What was Stevie _thinking_?

“Why not? I won’t be in your way. It’s not like I’m going to stay in your room. Or bed,” Stevie said.

Miranda considered this briefly. She wasn’t all too pleased with this development, but their friendship was riddled with strange things happening. This wouldn’t even be the weirdest thing that had happened this year.

“All right then,” Miranda said. “I guess you’re coming on our honeymoon.”

 

* * *

 

Gary had not been too happy either when he was informed that they would have an extra passenger on their honeymoon, but he’d taken it in stride. He knew Stevie, he knew and loved Miranda, and he knew these things could happen with them. Stevie would only be staying one week instead of the nearly two weeks they were staying, anyway, so how much trouble could she really be?

 

* * *

 

Four months later, Miranda and Gary had packed up their things and were ready for twelve days of belated honeymooning. They’d just arrived at the airport when they saw Stevie walk through the door. The suitcase she was wheeling behind her was comically large, especially considering how tiny Stevie was.

“Are you going to fly like _that_?” Stevie asked when she spotted Miranda. “Your outfit just screams ‘I’ve never left the country before’.”

“Hush, or you’re going back home,” Miranda said. She didn’t think her khaki pants, straw hat and fanny pack were _that_ bad.

“All right, all right. But Crocodile Dundee wants his outfit back,” Stevie said.

“That doesn’t even make sense, Stevie. Crocodile Dundee looks nothing like me,” Miranda said. She didn’t look like him. The hat was completely different and she wasn’t wearing a _vest_. She drew a line at that.

“Your outfit still looks stupid,” Stevie said, but didn’t say anything else. Miranda figured Stevie was probably scared Miranda would send her back home before their plane even took off. If Stevie continued the same way, there was a good chance of that happening, too.

“I think she looks wonderful,” Gary said and wrapped his arm around Miranda, giving her an exaggerated kiss on the cheek.

Stevie pulled a face.

“This is our honeymoon,” Miranda said. “We’re allowed to be gross.”

Stevie huffed, but ended up leaving them alone until they landed in Hawaii.

 

* * *

 

Miranda regretted her decision to allow Stevie to come even more once they got to their hotel on Big Island. They checked into their rooms - across the hall from each other - and not even five minutes after they’d got their keys, there was a knock on Miranda and Gary’s door.

When they opened the door, Stevie strode in, a flip chart in tow. She wordlessly set it up in the corner of the room and opened it. On the first page was a blown-up map of the entire area, complete with pictures, magazine clippings, and drawings. Miranda didn’t know how Stevie had managed to do that so quickly. She must have brought it along from England.

“And here’s our plan for today,” Stevie said as she flipped the page. “I got us a car and we’re going to drive up the coast and then watch the sunset. Tomorrow, we’re going on an island tour, seeing the waterfalls, and going on a glass bottom boat.”

“Are you serious?” Miranda asked.

“Yes, I’m only here for the week, you can be lazy when you’re dead. Chop-chop,” Stevie said.

Miranda sighed and leaned back into Gary’s arms so he’d hug her from behind. Stevie quickly ushered them out the door.

 

* * *

 

Three hours later, Miranda and Gary were still trotting along after Stevie. She’d already dragged them to four different beaches and they were now on their way to the fifth, the one that Stevie promised her guidebook said would ‘blow their minds’. Miranda wasn’t sure what kind of guidebooks Stevie was reading.

“Why is there so much _sand_ here?” Miranda asked when they got to their fifth beach, which, yes, was beautiful, she was ready to admit that; but she really couldn’t tell the difference between that one and the other four beaches she’d seen that day. She was tired and hot, her feet were sore, and she was starving.

“It’s a beach, Miranda,” Stevie said. “Beaches are sandy.”

“Thank you, Stevie. You’re so clever,” Miranda said sarcastically.

“We do have beaches in England, you know,” Stevie said. “Out of all the things you would notice on your first trip abroad, this is the one?”

“Oh, shush,” Miranda said. It was a stupid thing to comment on, but she’d vowed to herself that she’d attempt to be the best version of herself that she could be on this trip and wouldn’t whine, both to impress Gary (they’d been married for two years, but impressing the husband never stopped being important; she’d read that in a Cosmo her mum had not-so-accidentally left in their flat) and to not give Stevie any ammunition to use against her. She knew that was half the reason Stevie wanted to join them in the first place.

After dinner, Miranda and Gary got back to their hotel completely exhausted. They turned on the air conditioning, then immediately fell into bed and didn’t even have to do the cold bed dance because it was ridiculously hot in Hawaii (seriously, why was it so hot?) before sleep consumed them.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, there was a knock on their door. Miranda only vaguely noticed Gary getting up to open the door.

“Wake up,” Stevie yelled from outside their door.

Miranda flipped over and looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was already almost eleven. Ah, jet lag reared its ugly head. Stevie was going to kill them. They were probably meant to be at their seventh tourist attraction by now. Miranda groaned and lay back down.

“We’re decent, Stevie. No need to cover your eyes,” Gary said after he’d opened the door.

“Just being safe,” Stevie said. “I brought you a fruit plate because you sleepyheads missed breakfast.”

“Miranda! Stevie brought us breakfast,” Gary said in her direction and walked back towards their bed to allow Stevie to enter.

Miranda immediately sat up at the word ‘breakfast’. So Stevie wasn’t here to kill them?

“Thanks, Stevie,” Miranda said groggily.

“Eggs and toast are on the way. I asked the hotel restaurant to send some up for you,” Stevie said.

“Lovoo,” Miranda said, more awake now.

“Wow, nothing like food to get a declaration of love,” Stevie said, smiling.

“I’ll remember that,” Gary said, turned around to Miranda and smiled at her. He was lucky. Miranda didn’t need food to tell _him_ that she loved him, although it never hurt. The most effusive ‘I love you’ he’d ever gotten was last year when he’d made Miranda a Sunday roast after they’d had too much to drink on a Saturday night.

 

* * *

 

Replenished by a wonderful breakfast, they started another day. Stevie dragged them on a tour of their part of the island in a Jeep. In the middle of a forest, a large bird swooped down and stole Miranda’s hat.

“You look like a lobster,” Stevie told Miranda when they were on the glass bottom boat three hours later. “The bird probably looked as stupid as you did, wearing that hat.”

Miranda had no patience for this. She was in pain, the sunburn on her face was already starting to peel, and it was Stevie’s fault her hat had been stolen anyway, so, in one swift move, Miranda wordlessly pushed her overboard. The boat had just stopped so they could look at some fish and they had been assured there were no sharks in that part of the water; Miranda wasn’t a monster.

 

* * *

 

Five days later and they had finally survived the Week of Stevie. Miranda wasn’t sure, however, if she’d manage to be conscious for any of the rest of her honeymoon.

Miranda wasn’t even embarrassed to admit that the second Stevie left, she and Gary collapsed into bed and slept until the next morning because they were _exhausted_.

 

* * *

 

On their first morning without Stevie, a morning on which they were meant to be able to enjoy true peace and quiet, Miranda thought she and Gary would finally have time _and_ energy to consummate their honeymoon. False. There was a knock on the door right after she awoke. When Miranda went to open it, there was a vase on the ground with a dozen red roses and a note.

“Did you send me roses? That’s so sweet,” Miranda said.

“I… uh… didn’t,” Gary said.

“You didn’t? Then who did?” Miranda asked.

Gary took the note from her and opened it.

“It doesn’t say. But, it’s a scavenger hunt,” Gary said. “It says to start right away.”

It was the most elaborate scavenger hunt Miranda had ever seen. It took them all day to complete and led them into a cave, down a steep hill, and even up a tree (Miranda let Gary take care of that clue). Once it got to dinnertime, they were exhausted and were thinking of just calling it quits, but in that moment, they found what seemed to be the last clue. They arrived at the beach the clue told them to go to and saw a table, beautifully decorated and set for two. They were completely alone until a waiter showed up to bring them food and wine.

They had a wonderful, but very, _very_ long seven-course meal all by themselves. It was beautiful.

When they finally got back to their room after midnight, they were both too tired to do anything other than sleep.

“Rain check?” Gary asked.

“Sure,” Miranda said, already half asleep.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, another knock on the door woke them up. When Gary got up, he picked up what looked like a postcard that someone must have slid under the door. He handed it to Miranda.

It wasn’t a postcard, it was a voucher for a ‘day of adventure’ that would take them ziplining and whitewater rafting. Miranda hated every second of it, but Gary seemed to truly enjoy himself.

When they got back to the hotel, they found their bath tub had been filled, and rose petals had been strewn all over the room and bathroom. They took brief notice of it, then lay down in bed for what Gary said was only going to be a second. They moved closer to each other, started kissing and got started on taking each other’s clothes off, then... woke up, still half-clothed, the next morning, when another note was waiting for them that told them where to go.

 

* * *

 

Miranda and Gary had two days left on their honeymoon and they still hadn’t really had sex because every second was spent with activities or asleep. It’s not like they hadn’t tried last night. It was truly getting ridiculous. Finally, Stevie had left and now the _hotel_ was making them go on excursions instead?

That day, she and Gary spent their time making Hawaiian crafts and participating in a traditional Hawaiian dance course. Miranda stepped on Gary’s feet every few seconds, but he took it in stride. She thought she saw him limping a little bit when he didn’t think she was looking, but maybe she was starting to imagine things. The dance instructors put on a performance that lasted longer than any kind of dance performance should last, and once again, they returned to their hotel room late enough for them to want to sleep immediately.

Tomorrow was their last day and Miranda and Gary still hadn’t spent any time _alone_. This was getting ridiculous. Miranda was more exhausted after this holiday than before, and while she’d got to spend all her time with her husband (her _husband!_ \- saying or even just thinking that never got old), they’d never been by themselves and awake for more than ten minutes at a time.

 

* * *

 

Their last morning, Miranda was awoken by an alarm going off at the hotel. She sat up and punched Gary in the arm so he’d wake up, too.

“There’s an alarm going off outside,” she said. Then, after a brief pause, she said, “Do you smell smoke?”

Gary sat up straight now.

“Yes, I smell it too. Let’s get out of here immediately.”

 

* * *

 

They had walked into the lobby to find the other 50 hotel guests and the staff all yelling over each other. Everyone was trying to get information and trying to figure out whether the hotel was on fire.

“A _volcano eruption_?” Miranda asked loudly and incredulously after the hotel had finally managed to inform them of what was happening.

“Of course that was going to happen this week after it hadn’t happened for over five years. It’s fitting since we’re also about to explode,” Gary said and laughed.

Miranda appreciated that he could keep his humour in a situation like this one because she was really trying not to panic now. She also realized he was referring to their sex-less honeymoon. Hopefully that would change before they burned to death.

The hotel staff then started telling them that the volcano was far enough away that they could return to their rooms for now, but to remain alert in case anything changed. They were supposed to stay indoors with the windows closed to avoid inhaling too much of the smoke, and they were told not to use air conditioning.

Miranda was relieved to hear that she likely wouldn’t be scorched anytime soon, and perked up at the words ‘please stay indoors’. She turned to Gary and said, “Staying in our room all day? That sounds _terrible_.” Miranda emphasized the last part to make it clear that she thought it sounded like the exact opposite of that.

“I figured you’d say that.” Gary laughed and pulled her to his side so he could kiss her. “I’m sure we’ll find _something_ to do,” he said and winked at Miranda.

Miranda turned her head and gasped.

“What is it?” Gary asked.

“Does this person over there look like anyone you know?” Miranda asked.

“That looks a lot like…” Gary continued.

“STEVIE,” Miranda yelled.

Stevie was standing on the other side of the lobby. She must have heard Miranda shout, as she was trying (and failing) to hide between two potted plants.

“What the hell are you still doing here?” Miranda asked when she walked up to her and pulled her away from the plants.

“I, uh… missed my plane?” Stevie said by way of a real explanation.

“For four days in a row?” Miranda asked. Then Miranda realized - of course the last few days were still Stevie’s doing. She should have known a non-sentient hotel wouldn’t send them on a scavenger hunt, and the only person who could have been behind all that was Stevie. Especially now that she was standing right next to her.

“I knew all of that stuff the last few days was you. I can’t believe you, Stevie. Can’t you let us have any time to ourselves?”

Stevie huffed, turned away and stomped off. Great. Miranda had upset her.

She found Stevie in the breakfast room, sulking.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you, Stevie,” Miranda said as an opening. “But you have to understand. This is my honeymoon and my first time out of the country…”

“I know that.” Stevie still sulked. “That’s why…” she continued.

A realization dawned upon Miranda. “That’s why you sent us all over the island,” she said. She felt somewhat bad now. Sure, a lot of this trip had been her personal nightmares brought to life, but Stevie must have spent so much time planning their stay here and making sure they got to see and do everything. Of course, she planned the first week with herself in mind, too. Typical Stevie. Miranda chose to let that part go for now.

“Yes. I just want you and Gary to always have a fabulous time and to be happy, and if I can make that happen...” Stevie trailed off.

Miranda smiled. That was actually kind of sweet. Creepy, but sweet. In a totally misguided, Stevie kind of way. She decided she wasn’t going to list her numerous grievances for now and be the better person, just in case they were going to end up burning to death that day after all.

“In that case, thank you for all your hard work. Now, whatever you had planned for today, we’ll just have to cancel that because there seems to be a _volcano erupting_.” Miranda emphasised the last two words like she still couldn’t believe that was happening.

Stevie sighed.

“So I’ve heard. You know what? I’ll leave you two alone for today. No activities or plans, no interruptions, nothing,” she said.

Miranda smiled. _Now_ Stevie gets it.

“Thanks, Stevie.” Miranda leaned in to hug her tiny friend. When she let go, she paused a second, then said, “Wait a minute. Didn’t I only give you one week off work? What’s happening with the shop?”

“Your mum and Clive are taking care of it,” Stevie said.

“My _mum_ and _Clive_?” What a horrific combination.

“They assured me they had it under control,” Stevie said.

Miranda didn’t believe that for a second. She’d be lucky if the shop was still standing when she returned. Oh well, that was future Miranda’s problem. Stevie had just given them the biggest gift of all, a day off. She was planning on enjoying it.

Miranda left the breakfast room and went to find Gary. On their way back to their room, Miranda filled Gary in on what was happening. He was shaking his head like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, yet at the same time knew that everything was always bound to happen this way.

Surprisingly, they were truly left alone this time. No knocks on the door, no surprising deliveries. No Stevie.

Without air conditioning, it got unbearably hot in Miranda and Gary’s room within a few minutes and they stripped down, first to their underwear, then to nothing at all. Gary smiled at Miranda. Finally, they were alone with nothing else to do.

Their sex that day was spectacular, and there was a lot of it. They’d waited long enough.

For lunch and dinner, hotel staff came by and brought them incredible meals that even Gary, the professional chef, was in awe of. Miranda could tell by the way he savoured every bite. The food was incredible. She assumed Stevie had a hand in this, too, but she never got Stevie to admit this. True to her promise, she stayed out of it.

In between food and sex, Miranda and Gary talked about everything and nothing for hours. At night, they raided the room’s mini bar and came up with the most ridiculous drinking games. They found some paper and pencils in a drawer and started making dirty drawings of each other. Miranda hadn’t laughed this much in forever. She got all of these things and didn’t even have to leave her room for it. She almost couldn’t have imagined a better day. That’s what a honeymoon should be like. Take note, Stevie.

 

* * *

 

When Miranda told people about their honeymoon later, she tended to avoid mentioning that the day a volcano erupted and they were stuck inside all day was the best day of their honeymoon, but that didn’t make it any less true.

She did, however, enjoy telling people that she really loved the Hawaiian volcanoes.


End file.
